This first appeared on Lauren's blog, Oh, Honestly, and was read in 2015 at Listen to Your Mother Bangor. Join Lauren on Facebook.
When I was expecting my first child and motherhood grew closer with each passing day, I began to hear a phrase with more and more frequency.
Life will never be the same, women would tell me. And though I had a vague notion of what they meant, the way they said it, with a strange mixture of joy, wistfulness, and just a hint of warning, made me wonder if perhaps I didn't have a clue. Perhaps my ideas of afternoon snuggles, family play time, and, yes, plenty of hard work were naive.
Your Life Will Never Be The Same
Now I am just days away from my oldest's seventh birthday and I too have said those words to expectant mothers. And now, although I'm less than a decade into this motherhood journey, I know what they meant when they told me life would never be the same.
They meant that my days of grabbing my purse and heading out the door are over. I will never again, at least not for the foreseeable future, be able to leave the house without
They meant that I was about to start a job that requires me to be on the clock 24/7 with no sick days and no vacation time, and it doesn't pay, at least not in the monetary sense. In fact, instead of paying me, I'm required to dish out a whole lot of money to do this job.
Time To Move On..
They meant that I would experience a love like nothing I have ever felt before. One that is so overwhelming it's made me see my life through entirely different eyes. You mean to tell me that my mom loves me
They meant that I will doubt and second guess every single decision I make, no matter how big or small. I gave my kids pacifiers; their teeth will be ruined. I let my older two cry it out; they'll have trust and attachment issues. I've let my youngest get away with more than the older two; the oldest will resent me, the youngest will be a wild child, and the middle will be the classic overlooked middle child.
They meant that I can have throw up on the shoulder of my sweatshirt and I won't rush to change because my baby doesn't feel good and just needs a minute or two to rock before I clean up.
Captain Picard Facepalm Meme
They meant that the tiniest people, the ones who I love more than life, will also be the ones who bring out my deepest, biggest, most insane emotions. Not the touchy feely ones (we'll get to those). No, I'm talking about the frustration and anger that I never knew I was capable of. Like when I've said to stop doing the same thing over and over and they look me right in the eye and do it anyway. And in that moment I'm sure that my husband will come home from work to find a puddle on the floor and three terrified kids and he'll ask what happened and they'll say, Mom exploded!
They meant that one day my two year old will stroke my hair, look into my eyes, and say, I yuv you. And my husband will come home from work to find a puddle on the floor and three confused kids and he'll ask what happened and they'll say, Mom melted!
They meant that the smallest things will now make me cry. Things like changing out the 0-3 month clothes for the 3-6. The day before the kids' first birthdays. Selling the jumperoo. Seeing my picky eater choose to eat a piece of brocolli. Watching them play together.
You Will Never Look At Your Life In The Same Way Again
They meant that I will spend a lot of time wishing for the next stage: Oh, it'll be easier when he can walk. When she can talk. When they're all a little more independent. But that with each new stage I will find myself wishing the previous one hadn't gone by so fast.
For my pre-motherhood life, but it will only take a glance at my three beautiful children to remember that despite the parts of life that have become more difficult, it is the best kind of difficult.
Motherhood changes you, exposes you, rips your heart open, and makes your life more abundant than you ever thought possible. But that's a lot to say to a mom-to-be. So if someone tells you, with joy, wistfulness, and a just a hint of warning, that your life will never be the same, now you know what they mean.
What Does 'life Will Never Be The Same Again' Mean?
This post comes from the TODAY Parenting Team , where all members are welcome to post and discuss parenting solutions. Learn more and join us! Because we're all in this together.Matt, today would have been your 41st birthday. I should be on my way to the beach to spend time with you on your special day. We would have headed for the beach, walking the dogs letting them run through the surf while we caught up on life. We would have planned our dinner feast of crabs, shrimp and beer. But today our reality is much different from my dreams for this day. For you are forever 37 and this is your fourth birthday in heaven.
Today I spent the morning letting my grief pour out from my soul. Looking through every album I own with pictures of our life. Beautiful memories flooded my broken heart as I asked myself how this nightmare became our reality.
Pictures of you with that smile and those beautiful eyes staring back at me through all the phases of your life. From infancy through adulthood. Looking so happy and healthy. It is so hard for me to understand this reality. My brain knows you are gone. My heart struggles with this truth.
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Today there will be no family party. No cake, no funny card. I will never see you with your brother standing side by side laughing about how your both over the big 4 0.
Losing you is losing a future of love, laughter and future memories. Losing you is never seeing my sons together again. Never hearing your laughter as you tell of childhood antics that were kept secret from mom. Losing you is never meeting the girl who stole your heart. Losing you is never dancing at your wedding. Losing you is never sharing your joy of holding your newborn child for the first time. Losing you has taken its toll on me. Losing you is losing me
Reality is that I will never see you coming through my door with your children in tow. That smile and those eyes forever gone. No mini Matt’s for me to spoil and hug. No babes to be rocked to sleep. No babes to soothe my aching heart. No future generation to share stories of your childhood antics. No more of you.
My Life Will Never Be The Same Without You! Punny Greeting
Your brother will never know the joy of being an uncle. He will never take your son fishing or show your daughter treasures saved from your childhood. He will never know the joy of holding his brothers children in his arms or teaching them to run through the surf with you by his side. He will never watch his younger brother discover the joys and heartbreaks of being a parent. He will never be able to offer advice or share his list of do’s and don’ts of fatherhood. There will be no more children squealing with joy as that new puppy comes running into their arms. No more brothers sharing the secret of what makes a house a home.
How i wish Heaven had visiting hours. I would throw myself into your arms and never let you go. I would tell you how much your loss has changed my life. I would tell you over and over again how much I love you. I would beg you to stay with me forever.
Today I will honor your life. I will let my grief have its way. Today I will let my tears flow no longer fighting or pretending that I am ok. Today I will remember the joy you brought to my life. I will allow myself to feel the profound loss of your death.
Life Will Never Be The Same.
Today I will close my eyes and remember your hugs, your voice, your smile. Today I will wrap myself up in you. ❤️
Death of addict, grief, grief and your brain, how grief changes your life, missing son on his birthday, mothers broken heart, mothers griefOne of the things I was never told in my counselling sessions since Brian passed away, is the fact that I was in the process of changing and would continue to change. In essence, I am becoming a different version of myself.
Now, many things trigger changes within ourselves but suicide is pretty major. I can only tell you my personal experience with this but I know it’s the same for every person going through suicide bereavement. We just don’t look at the world
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